6 months!

I cannot even believe that Macie is half-way to her first birthday. It's unreal! I am so enjoying every moment and I cherish every day with my kids, because I feel like these days are flying by. I'm doing my best to be sure that I enjoy them. Spend more time playing and laughing with them, because those are the things I hope they will remember about their childhood.

As of now, Macie is trying really hard to start crawling. Very soon... Very soon I'll be working hard at teaching the kids to keep little things off the floor and out of her reach. Praise the Lord that winter is ending and we won't need to use our wood stove! 

Macie has also found her feet, she's learned to roll as a form of mobility, she reaches for and grabs toys (they go right to her mouth of course), she yells, coos, copies facial expressions, she's learning to sit with minimal help, and she is fascinated with her surroundings. She loves to look outside and now really enjoys being in the moby wrap. At the moment she is also working on those two first bottom teeth.. Won't be long until they come thru! 

We are still currently breast feeding exclusively... And by exclusively I mean that she literally won't take a bottle and all our bottles and old sippy cups are headed for the goodwill since Annie no longer needs them either. Crazy! We still haven't started solid foods. Honestly I'm holding out as long as I can so she can maximize the benefits of breast milk for as long as possible. I'm waiting instead until she crawls and can sit unsupported. I'm so concerned that starting her on solids will cause my supply to take a big dip. It's very sensitive and I really want to make it to one year before weaning... We will see though. In the mean time, she's benefiting perfectly from me, and she's gaining weight at a good healthy pace so I'm not concerned at all. She's already in 9 month clothes and will probably be in 12 month clothes well before summer. 

As for me... 6 months post partum. I'm still pretty much at the same spot I've been in... I'm 2 pounds from my pre pregnancy weight. Not bad, but I'd really love to lose at least 15 pounds to get back to a healthy weight. Definitely no more than 20 lbs. I'm not currently going out of my way to lose weight. I decided to wait until Macie is weaning, and until I've recovered from an impending hand surgery this summer... I am still praying about this surgery and if I want to go thru with it. During pregnancy I developed a condition called: dequervains tenosynovitis. Not sure how to explain it except for that it's extremely painful right at the base of my thumb. After two failed cortisone shots and physical therapy, I'm weighing my options. It's difficult to do a lot of simple things like holding heavy pots and pans, picking up the kids, turning door knobs... you get the idea. It's painful. Anyway, we'll see where that goes. Maybe I'll get super lucky and it will go away!

Thanks for reading, dear friends! God bless!

Macie is 5 months old!!

Okay, this is a little bit late. But yes! My little pumpkin is 5 months old now and I just can't believe it. I seriously feel like I just brought her home. It's crazy.

She's growing and developing perfectly, as she should be. At her last check up (about a month ago) she was 13 lbs 14 oz and 24 inches long. 17 days later, she had packed on another pound weighing in at 14 lbs 15 oz. By now she's probably over 15 lbs. SO crazy to me!!

As far as development goes, she's rolling both ways (sometimes in an attempt to get to something), she scoots herself around in order to see things and play with toys. She grabs at toys, puts them in her mouth, and enjoys feeling different textures. She also put her hand on my face ON PURPOSE the other day. Seriously never fails to melt my heart. I absolutely love this girl. She's super chatty too! Macie loves to talk to anyone willing to listen. She coos at everything, and she especially loves her brother. She's not sleeping through the night yet... she still wakes up every two-three hours or so to nurse. To be expected I suppose.

At the moment, she sits with support and she's also made attempts at getting her knees underneath her. I can tell she just wants to be mobile. SLOW DOWN. I'm all for her waiting as long as possible.

Post-partum wise... things are going okay. I made it through most of insanity... I had some results but not nearly what I had hoped for. I'm 99% sure that it's because I'm breastfeeding. Anyhow, I've stopped it due to the pressure the workouts put on my bad wrist. It gets very very painful. In the meantime I just go on the treadmill and do ab workouts instead. Hopefully I can pick it back up again after Macie weans.

Anyway... that's about it for now. I'll post some pics a little later! God bless, my dear friends!!

Breast feeding... What NOT to do.

So, just to start off, I am no expert on this topic by any means, but after three babies and two failed attempts with breast feeding I have finally figured out why it failed to work for us. It was truly just lack of knowledge about breast feeding, and lack of knowledge about the way my body makes milk. Plain and simple.

This is my theory about why it didn't work out with Joey. As many of you know, he required immediate medical attention due to the fact that he was not breathing. He inhaled a lot of fluid, and somehow ended up with a crap ton of air in his abdomen. On day two, the nurse took him to the nursery where he had a chest X-ray and was monitored closely. He had tubes in his nose, monitors on his feet, IV in his hand... It wasn't fun. Needless to say, I didn't get to nurse him right away, nor did it happen very consistently over the first few days. I was so stressed out. Not only was my baby struggling, I had a mess of issues related to the epidural I had received. 

When we finally got home, I was still freaked out, the nurse told me not to pump because then my body would make too much milk, and did I mention I was scared out of my mind to go to sleep? I worried he would stop breathing. 

Two weeks passed and I thought I was going to lose it. Joe wanted to eat for over an hour at a time and then twenty minutes after he would eat, he would want to eat again. Stressssssss. We discovered my milk had dried up. This was basically body's response to stress, lack of consistency in the beginning, oh and I introduced bottles at 6 days old because I needed Jeff to be able to feed him. Needless to say he was on formula at two weeks old and I was heart broken. 

When Annie was born, it started a bit better. I had a better idea of how things needed to go. After an awesome unmedicated birth, she nursed within 5 minutes. It was great! Then we got home and I was soooooooo sick. She caught it too. It. Was. Ugly. I felt like my lungs were packed with wet sand. It was hard to breathe, I felt awful, and I was exhausted. Cue stress. Well, I hadn't planned on introducing a bottle until she was a month old. That didn't happen. She was about a week old and needed to use a bottle because nursing was too hard when she could hardly breathe. After an ER visit, some meds, and about two weeks she improved. My milk supply suffered. She started nursing in a similar pattern to the one Joey had when he was about two weeks old. I was tired. I needed a break. I ended up introducing formula just for the sake of getting a break and some rest. Well, she really took to the formula and developed a preference for the bottle over the breast. Annie never really nursed for comfort either... At least I really don't think she did. She never nursed for very long. Only until she was satisfied and then she was done. She never even wanted to be held for very long either. As soon as she was done eating and she was ready to sleep, she wanted me to put her in her bed. Seriously. From the time she was about two weeks old, she had a preference for sleeping in her own space. Very different from my Joey and Macie for sure. She's still that way... to this day. Miss independent. I still breastfed part time up until she was about 4 and a half months old. At that point it was obvious that things weren't working. Breast feeding literally has a use it or lose it policy.

Now... here's how I learned everything I have about breast feeding and how my body in particular works with nursing. I had another successful natural delivery and we breastfed soon after birth. Macie was a little bit of a slacker initially, but she caught on quickly. After five weeks or so, I paid a visit to the lactation consultant at Evergreen, and she helped us work on our latch. Macie has a high palette so that made things a bit difficult (for me mostly). She helped me sooo much. I have to credit her help to our success. Anyway... since everything went so much more smoothly with Macie, I was able to nurse exclusively for her first few weeks. She was about a month old when I gave her a bottle, and it was not even something I had intended to do. I had just pumped and she woke up and decided to nurse RIGHT after. SO I just gave it to her. It worked out fine. She went right back to nursing without an issue.

I realized that postponing bottle use really helped my body to build a proper supply. Being that I have two older children, I didn't have a lot of time to pump in order to increase my supply and have a reserve. Needless to say, my body literally just makes enough for Macie's demands, and not much more for storage. That's really okay with me as I don't really leave her very much yet. If I have enough time in advance, I'm able to get a bottle pumped for her to have while I'm gone. I just have to limit my time away.

Having been so stressed during the first few weeks of Joey and Annie's newborn days, I remembered just how sensitive my supply was to stress. Needless to say, I've kept that in mind and have done my best to keep my stress levels down. Now, that is nearly impossible to do when you have three kids 4 and under, and still need to maintain my home, keep food on the table, and be sure everyone's needs are met. BUT... I did find that with my husband's help, help from family, and learning to say "no," I've been able to cope and the stress of daily life hasn't had an effect on breast feeding.

So... here we are! Macie is five months old now and we are still going strong. I'm hoping to make it to one year... that's my goal for us. Hopefully when she starts solids my supply won't dip too much. I'm planning to pump during the times she's not nursing. We'll see how it goes. This is all new to me... I've never made it this far. I have to say though, I firmly believe that my success partly stems from how awesome her birth was. It truly went exactly how I wanted it to go... it was different than I had originally planned, but ultimately it was everything I wanted. I was overwhelmed by the love and support of those I'm closest to, (well most of the ones I'm closest to) as well as awesome nurses and a great doc, and it was perfectly calm and peaceful. No stress! That made a huge difference I think.

A lot of this probably just seems like common sense to a lot of moms, but seriously, it took a lot of trial and error (obviously) for me to figure all of that out... Unfortunately. I do know I can't be the only mom in the world to have had trouble like this. Breast feeding is harder than it looks. I never did a lot of research on the topic because I figured it was stupid proof since women have done it for so many years. Wrong. It's time consuming (not really in a bad way), exhausting at times, and it requires a lot of patience. One other thing I learned about breast feeding, is it's so super important to know the typical times during baby's development in which they go on growth spurts. They often want to eat more, eat more often, and are mildly fussy... At least that's how it's gone with me. These things can sometimes be misinterpreted as a dip in supply. Not so! It's baby's way of stimulating your body to make more to nourish their growing little body.

Ultimately, I'm just thankful I figured out how my body works and responds to stress. I've learned so much about myself. It's truly been a blessing to be able to have this experience with Macie.

My purpose in sharing my experience is solely to give a heads up to other moms and expectant moms. It's good to hear other people's experiences... Personally I like learning from other peoples experiences so as to save myself from trouble later. Anyway, there you have it. Not that you asked. I just felt compelled to share. Hope it was helpful! God bless!

4 months

Things have been going pretty well lately. I'm kind of starting to find some balance. I've had trouble sleeping lately (not baby related) (purely just insomnia) so that's been a challenge. But thankfully Jeff has been kind enough to let me sleep in when he gets home from work, while he feeds the kids breakfast and tidys the kitchen. God bless my sweet husband!! 

Other than that, things are going pretty well on the home front. I seldom leave the house these days it seems like. But it's just as well. I enjoy being at home with my kids. They bring so much joy to my life. It's truly a blessing to be so exhausted and behind on pretty much everything! Ha! It's all I can do to squeeze my workouts in. I'm sincerely doing my best. It's taken me longer than it should to compete month one of insanity. I've noticed small results, but I'm still going with it. Hopefully month two will yield more results. I've lost over an inch everywhere. I'm suspecting that breast feeding has caused my body to hold onto the left over fat from pregnancy. I read Online that some women didn't see drastic results until after weaning. Anyway, I am still at it and eating very clean. 

As for miss Macie, she's growing and changing faster than I'd like, but it's seriously such a joy and a huge blessing to watch her grow. She rolls over every now and again, and she is currently working on rolling from back to tummy. She rolls onto her side to look at toys, and she now grabs things like her leap frog puppy "violet" (which is a super cool learning you btw, as it can easily be customized online and even says her name!). She also loves her bunny rattle security blanket thing. At the moment, she's currently starting the teething process. She drools constantly and she chews on everything. Hopefully her first tooth will take it's time appearing... I love my bald toothless baby smiles! As of yet, I don't have a definitive weight and length on her, but according to our home scale she weighs about 13.4 pounds. Growing perfectly as she should be! She's such a sweetie. She's very chatty, and especially loves when her brother, grandpa, and her uncles talk to her. She definitely has a sweet personality. Also, we are STILL breast feeding!!! I am so thrilled about that! Both my big kids were primarily formula fed at this point in their development, so this is a huge success for us. It has saved us so much money so far too! 

As for my big kids, they are doing very well with their transition. Joey adores Macie, and he loves to hold her and help with her. I sure hope he maintains a good relationship with both girls into adulthood. Annie is still a little iffy with Macie. She loves her, but there's definitely a little competition I've noticed. I'm planning to organize some date days where I can take Joey and Annie out individually for a special day together to kind of help take the edge off the attention competition. On another note, Annie is almost potty trained!! This has been wonderful!! Having just the baby in diapers has been seriously amazing. She still wears them for naps and bedtime, but she hasn't had an accident during the day for the last few days. Victory!! Anyway. That's about it on the home front news. Hope everyone had a merry Christmas and you are all having a good new year!! God bless!!

12 weeks old!!

Yet again I'm shocked to be posting yet another update. Macie is now 12 weeks old!! She is very alert, she's actively trying to check things out and she loves it when I sit and talk to her. She's very entertained by the chaos that is our home. I recently discovered that she falls asleep the easiest when the tv is going. I think she likes the noise. If it's too quiet she seems to wake up more. 

Anyway, Macie is perfect in her development. She rolled over this last week which was exciting!! I caught her in the act when i came back to the room after getting something in the kitchen. I was able to get some pics of her rolling over! So fun. These milestones never get old! :) I sure do love her and her siblings are loving her so so much. Especially Joey. He is absolutely in love with Macie. It's been so much fun!! I'm finally starting to get things down a bit. I still have my rough days. It is what it is. All of it is a blessing though!!

As far as my postpartum health... I've been at a stand still with my weight loss. I'm a little irritated because my new birth control pill caused me to gain back a couple pounds, so I'm working hard to get rid of it and some. I have been eating very clean, including a lot of lean protein. I also started insanity.... Oh Heavenly Father help me through this. The title really says it all. I'm hoping and praying I can get through it and be so glad it did it. I really want to be comfortable in my own skin again. So we will see how it goes. I will post *cringe* before and after photos to document any noticeable change. 

Anyway, all is pretty well on this home front. I'm currently tending to two sick kiddos and trying to kill the sickness that was kindly shared with me too. Hopefully it's short lived. This is the second year in a row that I've been sick right before thanksgiving... Last year I managed to catch pertussis... Which, if you've never had it, be thankful for that!! It. Is. Miserable. So I'm thankful I'm not as sick as last year for sure. 

I do hope everyone enjoys their thanksgiving festivities!!! I know we will... If I can still walk next week anyway. Haha. But really..... 

Here are some pics of Macie baby!! 

My fun facts tag...

Well, I was tagged to share ten interesting facts about myself. I normally don't participate in these types of things... But I decided to suck up my "this is silly and I don't want to" attitude. So here I go...

1. I have never had wisdom teeth. 

2. My mom thought for sure she was having a boy when she was pregnant with me. She only picked one name: Anthony Raymond... Hence the small switch to "Toni Rae" when I was born. 

3. I have terrible luck with cell phones and kitchen appliances... If anyone will get a lemon, it would be me. 

4. Boots are my favorite thing to shop for. 

5. Skinny jeans stress me out. I can't stand them. I don't care if other people wear them, I just can't stand how they fit. I can barely handle wearing them with boots. 

6. I do not have a green thumb and I do not particularly enjoy gardening. I will pull weeds and tell Jeff which flowers I want planted where. That's it. 

7. I thoroughly enjoy extreme weather. When I was a kid, I wanted 

I chase tornados for a living. 

8. I love all things pregnancy and birth. Call me crazy, but I love the experience and empowerment that comes from natural birth. 

9. Jesus is my savior and I rejoice in that daily! 

10. I have never been able to French braid. I do not have a knack for styling hair. 

There you go friends! :)

2 months!!

How has time just flown by? I really can't believe we are into November, and I have a two month old baby girl. She was so tiny and new just yesterday... how did I miss everything? I'm sooo thankful that I have the ability to take pictures of my children as they grow and learn... and especially because they change so quickly.

Macie has grown so much, and oh how she's changed. She weighed in at 10 lbs 6 oz and she was 22.5 inches long at her 8 week check up. Her newborn clothes are starting to shrink.... she's kind of funny because she's my only baby to outgrow her pants before she outgrows her onesies... typically my babies have short stubby legs and a long torso. Macie seems to have longer legs and a normal size torso. But I don't know. That could change. So we're starting to add more three month clothing to her wardrobe, which by the way was very overwhelming to sort through. This little baby has more clothes than all of us. Seriously. The sad part is that I even went through and purged some of it because I simply don't have space for all of it. Between getting Annie and Maddy's baby clothes as well as getting new clothes as gifts, she now has more clothes than she'll probably be able to wear. I am soooooo thankful!! This is such a great problem to have!!!

As far as her development goes, Macie girl is right on track. She smiles (she first smiled at me when she was 6-7 weeks old), coos, and kicks her little feet when she's excited about something. She loves to look at faces, watch the flashing/colors on the TV, and she loves when her siblings talk to her. She loves when anyone talks to her really. She's such a sweet little pumpkin. Macie is by far my most cuddly baby... so that makes it very difficult to set her down. I would hold her all day if I could. As a result of being held 75% of her day, she hasn't really had much tummy time to practice her attempts at rolling over. I'm thinking I should probably encourage some more tummy time at this point... she needs to strengthen her neck so she can lift that big noggin and start rolling over. I think Annie rolled over at 8 weeks old, however she also was a lot closer to her due date than Macie was... so maybe that plays a small part in things. I can't remember when Joey rolled for the first time... I don't even remember when they're "supposed" to do these things... 3-5 months? They all develop in their own time so I'm really not too worried about when she does everything. Just as long as she does it all. :)

Anyway, my post-partum health seems to be kind of shaky lately. Literally. This anxiety I've been battling has been difficult to deal with, and I'm just now realizing how much I've just been adapting to it. I'm slowly learning how to deal with it. I'm trying really hard to find some time to myself, and I'm really trying to get better sleep whenever I can. By "better" I mean getting to bed at a decent hour whenever I can... That's difficult because I have to choose between time to myself and sleep... both are a must. It's hard trying to do everything when I'm by myself so much. I really don't know how single moms do it all. Being a stay at home mom is extremely hard, and it's pretty easy to forget yourself, your value, and it's easy to feel really unappreciated at times. So I've been working hard and maintaining my focus on the fact that I'm very needed, very loved, and very valued. Doesn't fix my anxiety about everything, but it's slowly getting a bit easier. Part of it has to do with Macie sleeping about 4 hours between nighttime feeds now. Hopefully things will get I've recently started jogging on my treadmill. I think it's helped a bit. I feel better, and I know it's a must. Especially since I've plateaued with my weight loss. I've lost almost all the weight I gained with Macie... only a couple pounds to go. But I'd like to tone up and lose a bit more weight so I can be back to where I'm comfortable. I'll get there. Anyway, other than that I'm hanging in there. My blood work yielded some weird results two times in a row... So I had an ultrasound on my kidneys and bladder to make sure all is well there. Everything came back normal so that's good, but if things are still off in a couple months I'll be headed in to see a specialist. 

All in all, I really can't complain too much. I'm sure it sounds like an awful lot of complaining, and that's never my intent. I am so grateful for everything I'm blessed with. I am thankful for every moment I get to spend with my children. It isn't always easy, but I realize that even those difficult times are a blessing too. I'm simply sharing where I'm at... I'm not going to sugarcoat anything. Too many moms make things look so peachy and perfect all the time, when in reality, there is no mom that has it that easy all the time. It just doesn't happen.

One super positive thing, breastfeeding is still going beautifully. Macie has yet to have a drop of formula which is super pleasing to me. Not only for her health, but also for my bank account. That crap is pricey. I'm still learning all the time... I've recently learned some new things about milk storage which would have come in handy before I had to throw out half of my frozen milk stash. :( Super bummer since a good portion was the "first milk" which is basically liquid gold for Macie. Super sad. But she's still getting breast milk and that's what matters.

Anyway, here's to month three!! Thanks for reading friends!! God bless!! 

Ps- here are some more new pics of our sweet girl!!