Our first three weeks...

Since my due date has come and gone, I've been reflecting a lot on the last few weeks... and even still on my delivery.

Something I've come to realize is that labor doesn't have to be crazy painful... Maybe I legitimately lucked out and the pain was really not as bad as last time. But I truly believe that learning to get yourself into a deep focus on relaxation, you allow yourself to go with the contractions rather than fighting them. That can make a huge difference in the level of pain you experience during labor. I'm thinking that my intense focus and relaxation was probably why the lady at the front desk took her sweet time checking us in. Nobody realized how close I was to delivery... Not even me! I took us all by surprise! I really think that I experienced far less pain this time than when I delivered Annie. I did not fight my labor with Macie whatsoever, and even pushing wasn't as painful. It was more work than anything else... I don't remember experiencing an intense amount of pain during the pushing stage, and that was truly amazing to me... even in the moment I remember thinking that it hurt worse last time. Obviously I'd be lying if I said it was completely painless, but for some reason it was far less painful than my last delivery. The contractions felt worse than the pushing stage, quite honestly!!

SO.... here's to all the moms out there about to give birth... My best advice to you if you're attempting a drug free delivery, don't fight your contractions. Focus on enjoying them... Ina May said it so perfectly in her book when she said something to the effect of, "You only get to experience labor so many times in your life, might as well enjoy it!!" Basically, try and keep things light. Don't worry, you will have moments of panic, that's normal, but it really does help you to relax if you focus on enjoying your labor! Also, it's a good thing to practice relaxing every muscle in your body before you go into labor. I found this REALLY helped me a lot. When I labored that last little bit in the car, I focused on literally turning into a blob. Relax yourself into a blob-like state... Seriously it works. Anytime I noticed myself tensing up anywhere, I noticed my level of pain increasing... so as hard as it was sometimes, I made myself relax wherever I was tense. Practice this!! It's very beneficial. Otherwise, just pray and encourage yourself. That's important too. Oh... And read some books! I highly recommend "Ina May's Guide to Childbirth," as well as her other book "Spiritual Midwifery." They are very hippy-ish reads, so remember that going into it, but they have so much good information packed into them.

As far as our first three weeks have gone, let me just say that I'd be lying if I said it's been easy on us. It hasn't been ridiculously difficult by any means, but I've really had a lot of challenges... mostly with making sure I relax, don't overdo it with the housework and taking care of the big kids, and getting enough sleep. Oh yeah... and that part about my kids really acting out.

Don't get me wrong, my kids aren't being total terrors, they just aren't themselves and that's to be expected. Joey has taken on an "authoritative" type role with his sisters... It's great that he takes it upon himself to help me, but sometimes he's been a little too helpful. Like when it comes to disciplining Annie (which usually ends in a big brawl, some time in "time out," and even some toys being taken away) or when he decides to help with the housework (which usually ends in a bigger mess for me and a very irritated mama which makes me feel like crap because he was only trying to be helpful)(poor guy... bless his sweet heart!!). Anyway... Joey absolutely loves our new baby, but he really needs to let mommy handle the parenting. Annie however, while she absolutely adores our new baby, she is clearly struggling with sharing her mommy. Totally understandable, and I expected that. I just didn't expect it to be so hard on me.

That's a whole other struggle... my emotional stability. Yes... I'll say it... I may have been a little unstable at times and can snap very quickly and easily. I try to remain calm and patient, but it really irks me when I'm feeding the baby and all hell breaks loose when there's nothing I can do about it and Jeff isn't home. Not fun... and then I feel terrible for over reacting and turning into a basket case. My poor kids. They are so forgiving of me. I just love them so so so so so much, and it hurts when I feel like all I do is discipline and say "no" all day long.

There are parts that have been easier for sure... obviously caring for baby. I have a lot more patience for that this time around, and I feel very confident in my ability to care for a newborn, so that helps a ton. I have also found it easier to transition because I recalled a few things to expect to happen again. For example, feeling like I'm neglecting my older kids. Going from total attention on my big kids, to almost complete attention on baby sometimes hurts my heart and I feel like I'm ignoring my other little loves. That really really hurts, but remembering that I felt like that last time and everything turned out totally fine has really helped me to cope. Also, when I was pregnant with Annie, I worried so much that I was taking away the special time I had with Joey and giving it all to Annie.. Then I also worried for some reason that I wouldn't have the same affection or relationship with Annie. That...my friends.... Is a ridiculous thing to worry about. None of those worries were worth my time, because no matter how many children you have, you truly love them all the same. Your heart just grows each time another baby is born. It's incredible. Soooooo anyway...remembering those things and going through the transition last time definitely helped me prepare for a smoother transition this time.

All in all, I really can't complain. Yes, it's been tough, I'm absolutely exhausted all the time, there isn't enough time in my day, my house work has taken a back seat, and I'm struggling to keep up with the cooking. Oh yeah, I'm lucky if I can get a shower by 1pm anymore. But... There are a lot of things that have been easier just since I now have a bit of experience under my belt. Practice makes perfect, that's for sure.

Breast feeding is also going a lot better this time. Macie has not had a bottle yet which is a huge accomplishment for me, and she seems to be getting plenty of milk from me which absolutely wasn't the case the last two times I've been down this road. I'm feeling very good about things, and I hope we can make it another month before trying a bottle.

Anyway... That's where things are at for us. Going fairly well! Still taking it one day at a time. Hopefully we will continue to find more balance in the coming weeks. In the mean time, I will continue to bask in the blessings that God has given us, and just enjoy life! Thanks for reading my dear friends! Hope everyone is having a blessed beginning to this wonderful fall season!

PS- I apologize for any errors or funky auto corrects. I'm on my phone because my computer is always dead.