Time is just flying by. Seriously, at the end of every day I'm just shocked at how fast my day went. I'm also shocked when I sit and look at how I managed my day.
Some days I feel like I had no time with my big kids... I haven't been able to play with them as much or even get sufficient amounts of cuddles in. It's tough on me and I know it's tough on them too. Hopefully we'll find a little more balance with that in the coming weeks...
The toughest part about it all, is that miss Macie Lee does NOT like to be set down ever. Period. Rightfully so, I mean, I carried her constantly for the first 37 weeks of her life... that's all she's known. It's a scary world when you can't see much, you can't move very well, and you have limited ways to communicate. But honestly, because she's so very attached and loves me soooo so much, it's hard to maintain normalcy when I only have one hand to do everything with. Admittedly, she does have to cry for a few minutes on occasion before I can settle in and focus solely on her and her newborn needs. People get pretty judgey about that. Go ahead. I've decided to make a conscious effort not to care about what everyone else thinks of my methods of parenting. Transitioning to three kids is hard work. (Every transition is a challenge, but it's a different set of challenges every time). It's a lot to handle, my plate is full, and I'm learning to divide myself among THREE babies now. Not just two... THREE. AND my husband requires my attention as well!! Sometimes, I have to make sure my big kids are occupied first before Macie can get my full attention without me trying to scold and mediate between my older babies because things have turned into a mad house. It's just tough. I love love love that the Lord has blessed me with these three precious children, and I wouldn't change a thing. But I'm here to tell all of you, it is tough.
So there you go. Mommies, soon to be mommies, mommies adding to their pack of kiddlets, friends trying to become a mommy: IT'S TOUGH... So don't beat yourself up. Have a good meltdown. Cry a lot. It really helps. You will feel like a crappy mom at times. It happens. We all go through it. If you say you've never felt like that before, you're lying to yourself. I have had so many women who've told me they're having a hard time and feel like a failure. It's okay to feel that way, but know that you're not a failure. I struggle daily... asking myself if I'm doing enough, if I've shown enough love to everyone, if I've been maintaining my home enough, if I've cooked enough... At the end of the day, I am enough. I might not feel like it all the time, but my kids still love me despite my screw ups, melt downs, freak outs, fits, crying, etc. I'm enough, and you are too. God designed us the way He did for a reason, and I'm really trying to learn to appreciate the way He designed us to be as mother's. We all love our kids, and we all want to do what's best for them. So here's to doing our very best, here's to messing up sometimes, here's to feeling lost. Here's to all the mom's out there who parent differently than I do. Let's build each other up, friends.
Anyway... end rant... at this point post-partum, everything is slowly getting back to normal. I won't tell you all where I'm at with the weight loss part of it. Let's just say that breast feeding has served me well this time. :) I am definitely feeling like my body is getting back to normal. My body still feels fatigued for sure, but I've healed very quickly this time. Still healing, I'm sure, but it seems like it's gone way quicker, and I do think it's because of my awesomely easy delivery.
Anyhow, like I said, breast feeding has gone VERY well this time. I've exclusively breast fed Macie for four weeks now. That might not seem like a huge accomplishment to some, but for me that's HUGE. My other two were both on formula by this point, or in Annie's case, supplementing because my supply was low and wouldn't recover. That was due to a variety of reason, some my fault. Having done a lot more research on successful breast feeding and implementing some changes in my habits, we've been very successful thus far. She did have one bottle... I gave her 3 oz of pumped colostrum the other day because she had a cold and I wanted her to get all the nutrients and antibodies from it. She took the bottle very well once she realized she got something from the nasty plastic nipple. It hasn't affected my supply whatsoever, and I'm getting quite the surplus of frozen milk in the freezer this time! Yay!! So... yeah. It's going well, she seems to be gaining weight. Not as quickly as the other two, but she was so much smaller than my other babies and she isn't getting formula baby chubs like they did.
But yeah... there you have it. How we're doing after the first 4 weeks with three babies. Doing as well as expected! Thanks for reading my friends, thank you for caring, and thank you for all of your prayers for us as we're transitioning, and thank you to those who've been so helpful to us. AND thank you to all of our lovely friends and family for the awesome gifts you've given little Macie. We are so blessed to have such generous friends and family. God bless you all!!
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