One month!

I'm finding it hard to believe how fast this month has flown by. It's really crazy. Part of me is a little sad because I feel like I didn't have enough time to enjoy the newness of our new baby... but at the same time I'm anxious to really get the hang of everything... This transition has not exactly been easy for any of us. Not to say that we don't absolutely adore our new little princess, it's just been hard to get the hang of juggling three kids, spending time with my husband, taking care of my house and putting food on the table. It's tough... Not to mention, I'm also our baby's food source.

Yes... breast feeding. Not as easy as one would think. It is very much a challenge, and there are some very frustrating moments. I've had a particularly difficult time in the past, and I really wanted to be successful this time. I read a lot more about it and decided I needed to seek help from professionals. As of today, Macie has been exclusively breast fed and now weighs 8 lbs 3 oz. This is a HUGE success for me. Might not seem like a lot to others, but at this point with my last two babies, they both had their first bottles of formula because my supply dipped. Reasons for that are partly my fault and partly due to circumstances that were out of my control. Regardless, it's been going very well, and I could not be more pleased! The lactation nurse told me she was very pleased with Macie's weight gain, especially because she wasn't latching exactly right. She also has a high pallet, which causes me a bit more discomfort, so she was very pleased with our success so far. I do hope to continue to breast feed at least until one year... maybe a little longer. We'll see how it goes. I just don't want to have to spend any money on formula... and it will help me to feel better about my past unsuccessful attempts with nursing my kids.

Anyway... I'm not going to lie. I'm having a tough time. I'm not even going to play it off like I'm transitioning like a super mom. It's pretty dang hard getting the hang of much of anything at this point. I'm so incredibly sleep deprived right now... Between insomnia, a baby waking up every two hours, and having to be up all day with the kids, it's safe to say I've been wearing thin. I'm trying so hard to sleep when I can, but it's downright difficult, and as a result, I'm not only mentally exhausted, I'm physically exhausted which has manifested itself in several different ways. So please, friends, pray for me to find some sleep. My body needs it badly.

One thing I'm struggling with in particular (aside from sleep issues), is the fact that my house and living quarters can no longer be as perfect as I'm used to having them. I can't mop every day, nor can I vacuum as much as I like, my bathroom isn't as tidy as I like it to be, my kitchen counters have clutter (one of my biggest pet peaves), it's hard to keep my laundry under control and there are always dirty dishes that need be taken care of. Jeff says I'm OCD when it comes to how clean the house is... yes... I admit it. I have an issue... so naturally when things aren't exactly right, it causes me stress which I'm really trying to work through. I can't do it all, and that's okay. I just need to accept it and move on.

Anyhow, that's about it for an update. My kids are adjusting slowly, but very well surprisingly. They definitely have their moments, and I feel like a terrible mom more often than I used to. It seems like I have less time to play with them and enjoy them which is very hard on me. I feel like most of the time I'm disciplining, scolding, and refereeing because they fight like cats and dogs lately. And some nights, I'm counting the minutes til bed time. It didn't used to be like that. Makes me sad, but I know it will pass as time goes on and we get into a better rhythm with things. It's funny, I should have expected this. I've had two kids before Macie, and it felt the same way. (Except for when Joey was born... I just had first time mom adjustment issues when he was born).

I hate to sound like a whiner, or a complainer. That is not my intention in the least. I am so incredibly thankful for my three beautiful blessings I call my children. I am thankful for my husband... I'm truly thankful for everything I have. I know that I am blessed immensely. I'm truly just being honest... giving the raw truth about the transition to being a mommy of three. I absolutely love my kids, but it is a tough job being a mommy to three small kids. I'm not a super hero. I'm the average mom, and I'm being honest when I say it's hard and I've had a tough time. I'm grateful, but I'm so worn out. Please pray for me to find some rest and that my body can get back in order like it needs to be. Thank you friends for following me! God bless you all!