12 weeks old!!

Yet again I'm shocked to be posting yet another update. Macie is now 12 weeks old!! She is very alert, she's actively trying to check things out and she loves it when I sit and talk to her. She's very entertained by the chaos that is our home. I recently discovered that she falls asleep the easiest when the tv is going. I think she likes the noise. If it's too quiet she seems to wake up more. 

Anyway, Macie is perfect in her development. She rolled over this last week which was exciting!! I caught her in the act when i came back to the room after getting something in the kitchen. I was able to get some pics of her rolling over! So fun. These milestones never get old! :) I sure do love her and her siblings are loving her so so much. Especially Joey. He is absolutely in love with Macie. It's been so much fun!! I'm finally starting to get things down a bit. I still have my rough days. It is what it is. All of it is a blessing though!!

As far as my postpartum health... I've been at a stand still with my weight loss. I'm a little irritated because my new birth control pill caused me to gain back a couple pounds, so I'm working hard to get rid of it and some. I have been eating very clean, including a lot of lean protein. I also started insanity.... Oh Heavenly Father help me through this. The title really says it all. I'm hoping and praying I can get through it and be so glad it did it. I really want to be comfortable in my own skin again. So we will see how it goes. I will post *cringe* before and after photos to document any noticeable change. 

Anyway, all is pretty well on this home front. I'm currently tending to two sick kiddos and trying to kill the sickness that was kindly shared with me too. Hopefully it's short lived. This is the second year in a row that I've been sick right before thanksgiving... Last year I managed to catch pertussis... Which, if you've never had it, be thankful for that!! It. Is. Miserable. So I'm thankful I'm not as sick as last year for sure. 

I do hope everyone enjoys their thanksgiving festivities!!! I know we will... If I can still walk next week anyway. Haha. But really..... 

Here are some pics of Macie baby!! 

My fun facts tag...

Well, I was tagged to share ten interesting facts about myself. I normally don't participate in these types of things... But I decided to suck up my "this is silly and I don't want to" attitude. So here I go...

1. I have never had wisdom teeth. 

2. My mom thought for sure she was having a boy when she was pregnant with me. She only picked one name: Anthony Raymond... Hence the small switch to "Toni Rae" when I was born. 

3. I have terrible luck with cell phones and kitchen appliances... If anyone will get a lemon, it would be me. 

4. Boots are my favorite thing to shop for. 

5. Skinny jeans stress me out. I can't stand them. I don't care if other people wear them, I just can't stand how they fit. I can barely handle wearing them with boots. 

6. I do not have a green thumb and I do not particularly enjoy gardening. I will pull weeds and tell Jeff which flowers I want planted where. That's it. 

7. I thoroughly enjoy extreme weather. When I was a kid, I wanted 

I chase tornados for a living. 

8. I love all things pregnancy and birth. Call me crazy, but I love the experience and empowerment that comes from natural birth. 

9. Jesus is my savior and I rejoice in that daily! 

10. I have never been able to French braid. I do not have a knack for styling hair. 

There you go friends! :)

2 months!!

How has time just flown by? I really can't believe we are into November, and I have a two month old baby girl. She was so tiny and new just yesterday... how did I miss everything? I'm sooo thankful that I have the ability to take pictures of my children as they grow and learn... and especially because they change so quickly.

Macie has grown so much, and oh how she's changed. She weighed in at 10 lbs 6 oz and she was 22.5 inches long at her 8 week check up. Her newborn clothes are starting to shrink.... she's kind of funny because she's my only baby to outgrow her pants before she outgrows her onesies... typically my babies have short stubby legs and a long torso. Macie seems to have longer legs and a normal size torso. But I don't know. That could change. So we're starting to add more three month clothing to her wardrobe, which by the way was very overwhelming to sort through. This little baby has more clothes than all of us. Seriously. The sad part is that I even went through and purged some of it because I simply don't have space for all of it. Between getting Annie and Maddy's baby clothes as well as getting new clothes as gifts, she now has more clothes than she'll probably be able to wear. I am soooooo thankful!! This is such a great problem to have!!!

As far as her development goes, Macie girl is right on track. She smiles (she first smiled at me when she was 6-7 weeks old), coos, and kicks her little feet when she's excited about something. She loves to look at faces, watch the flashing/colors on the TV, and she loves when her siblings talk to her. She loves when anyone talks to her really. She's such a sweet little pumpkin. Macie is by far my most cuddly baby... so that makes it very difficult to set her down. I would hold her all day if I could. As a result of being held 75% of her day, she hasn't really had much tummy time to practice her attempts at rolling over. I'm thinking I should probably encourage some more tummy time at this point... she needs to strengthen her neck so she can lift that big noggin and start rolling over. I think Annie rolled over at 8 weeks old, however she also was a lot closer to her due date than Macie was... so maybe that plays a small part in things. I can't remember when Joey rolled for the first time... I don't even remember when they're "supposed" to do these things... 3-5 months? They all develop in their own time so I'm really not too worried about when she does everything. Just as long as she does it all. :)

Anyway, my post-partum health seems to be kind of shaky lately. Literally. This anxiety I've been battling has been difficult to deal with, and I'm just now realizing how much I've just been adapting to it. I'm slowly learning how to deal with it. I'm trying really hard to find some time to myself, and I'm really trying to get better sleep whenever I can. By "better" I mean getting to bed at a decent hour whenever I can... That's difficult because I have to choose between time to myself and sleep... both are a must. It's hard trying to do everything when I'm by myself so much. I really don't know how single moms do it all. Being a stay at home mom is extremely hard, and it's pretty easy to forget yourself, your value, and it's easy to feel really unappreciated at times. So I've been working hard and maintaining my focus on the fact that I'm very needed, very loved, and very valued. Doesn't fix my anxiety about everything, but it's slowly getting a bit easier. Part of it has to do with Macie sleeping about 4 hours between nighttime feeds now. Hopefully things will get I've recently started jogging on my treadmill. I think it's helped a bit. I feel better, and I know it's a must. Especially since I've plateaued with my weight loss. I've lost almost all the weight I gained with Macie... only a couple pounds to go. But I'd like to tone up and lose a bit more weight so I can be back to where I'm comfortable. I'll get there. Anyway, other than that I'm hanging in there. My blood work yielded some weird results two times in a row... So I had an ultrasound on my kidneys and bladder to make sure all is well there. Everything came back normal so that's good, but if things are still off in a couple months I'll be headed in to see a specialist. 

All in all, I really can't complain too much. I'm sure it sounds like an awful lot of complaining, and that's never my intent. I am so grateful for everything I'm blessed with. I am thankful for every moment I get to spend with my children. It isn't always easy, but I realize that even those difficult times are a blessing too. I'm simply sharing where I'm at... I'm not going to sugarcoat anything. Too many moms make things look so peachy and perfect all the time, when in reality, there is no mom that has it that easy all the time. It just doesn't happen.

One super positive thing, breastfeeding is still going beautifully. Macie has yet to have a drop of formula which is super pleasing to me. Not only for her health, but also for my bank account. That crap is pricey. I'm still learning all the time... I've recently learned some new things about milk storage which would have come in handy before I had to throw out half of my frozen milk stash. :( Super bummer since a good portion was the "first milk" which is basically liquid gold for Macie. Super sad. But she's still getting breast milk and that's what matters.

Anyway, here's to month three!! Thanks for reading friends!! God bless!! 

Ps- here are some more new pics of our sweet girl!! 

Macie's birth pictures!

I got Macie's birth pictures back today! They were absolutely phenomenal. I will cherish these photos forever. My friend and photographer, Amber (Tres Birds Photography) captured the moment beautifully and tastefully. I can't even express how much I love these photos. To relive that incredible moment has been so fulfilling to me. Anyway, here are my pictures. I can't stop looking at them!

Macie Lee's Birth

August 31st, 2013

3:35 am

The nurse who delivered Macie. She was absolutely wonderful! I never would have known that she was a new nurse.The best part, her name is Faith!

Our first moment together. 

This moment was absolutely unforgettable. I was so amazed at what I had just done and that I had a beautiful baby girl in my arms. There were so many emotions running through me, I was laughing and crying at the same time. It was amazing.

The room was filled so full of sweetness. There wasn't a person in the room who didn't have a smile on their face. 

A special moment. Totally lost in time. 

No words for this one.

Our doctor on call arrived. She was soooo nice. I love that everyone just sat and enjoyed the moment with us.

I'm in love with this picture. 

Auntie getting a good look at her new niece!

Tiny wrinkly feet!! 

That hat... LOVE!!

Grandma and Macie.

Auntie and Macie.

6 weeks

I can't believe our baby girl is a month and a half old already!! It's going by too fast. She's grown so much! I'm not sure about her weight as of now, but I'd guess she's about 9lbs now. She's definitely getting longer because her newborn pants and sleepers are starting to get a little small length wise.

As far as development goes, she's starting to become more alert. She loves to look at faces, and she is starting to smile at us every now and again. She has the cutest dimples!

Aside from her development, she's been breastfeeding wonderfully! This is the most successful I've ever been with breastfeeding. I'm proud to say that she has yet to have a drop of formula! She has received all nourishment from me. I have to say, it feels great to bypass the formula aisle.

As for why we have been successful? I think it has a lot to do with less stress regarding my baby's health, more confidence as a mom, and we haven't really used a bottle very much. We also waited quite a bit longer before introducing it... She also hates the bottle and tolerates pacifiers. She uses pacifiers when she's eaten so much that she throws up but still wants to comfort suck. Needless to say, things are going well and it feels great to know that she's getting breast milk only.

Now that a little time has passed, things are starting to get a bit easier. It's been tough on me getting through this transition simply because of Jeff's work schedule. It has really taken its toll on me physically since I'm up with Macie throughout the night and up during the day with the big kids, but we are getting through it. I try to take naps when I can and relax when there's some down time. I'm slowly finding balance.

I also saw my Dr recently about an insomnia issue. It definitely stems from a hormonal issue which has left me dealing with a number of funky things. But with a few supplements and some medicine I've been able to find some normalcy with my body. I've also started a new birth control pill which has seemed to help a bit. Praying for a bit of relief in the coming months, but all in all I don't have much to complain about. I'm very thankful for my beautiful children and my wonderful hubby.

One thing I have to note, is that the chiropractor is an amazing tool in the life of a fussy baby. Seriously, after a couple of weeks with a pretty unhappy baby, I finally thought to take her in and it made a huge difference. She had a small kink in her neck and back but he easily manipulated her spine back in place. As a result, my fussy baby is now a happy girl! She's eating better, she's sleeping better, and she will even take a nap in her own bed so I can get a few things done. Its been great! So, if you ever have a fussy baby, take him/her to see an experienced chiropractor! You won't regret it!

Anyway, that's about it for now. Hope everyone has been enjoying their week. God bless my friends!

One month!

I'm finding it hard to believe how fast this month has flown by. It's really crazy. Part of me is a little sad because I feel like I didn't have enough time to enjoy the newness of our new baby... but at the same time I'm anxious to really get the hang of everything... This transition has not exactly been easy for any of us. Not to say that we don't absolutely adore our new little princess, it's just been hard to get the hang of juggling three kids, spending time with my husband, taking care of my house and putting food on the table. It's tough... Not to mention, I'm also our baby's food source.

Yes... breast feeding. Not as easy as one would think. It is very much a challenge, and there are some very frustrating moments. I've had a particularly difficult time in the past, and I really wanted to be successful this time. I read a lot more about it and decided I needed to seek help from professionals. As of today, Macie has been exclusively breast fed and now weighs 8 lbs 3 oz. This is a HUGE success for me. Might not seem like a lot to others, but at this point with my last two babies, they both had their first bottles of formula because my supply dipped. Reasons for that are partly my fault and partly due to circumstances that were out of my control. Regardless, it's been going very well, and I could not be more pleased! The lactation nurse told me she was very pleased with Macie's weight gain, especially because she wasn't latching exactly right. She also has a high pallet, which causes me a bit more discomfort, so she was very pleased with our success so far. I do hope to continue to breast feed at least until one year... maybe a little longer. We'll see how it goes. I just don't want to have to spend any money on formula... and it will help me to feel better about my past unsuccessful attempts with nursing my kids.

Anyway... I'm not going to lie. I'm having a tough time. I'm not even going to play it off like I'm transitioning like a super mom. It's pretty dang hard getting the hang of much of anything at this point. I'm so incredibly sleep deprived right now... Between insomnia, a baby waking up every two hours, and having to be up all day with the kids, it's safe to say I've been wearing thin. I'm trying so hard to sleep when I can, but it's downright difficult, and as a result, I'm not only mentally exhausted, I'm physically exhausted which has manifested itself in several different ways. So please, friends, pray for me to find some sleep. My body needs it badly.

One thing I'm struggling with in particular (aside from sleep issues), is the fact that my house and living quarters can no longer be as perfect as I'm used to having them. I can't mop every day, nor can I vacuum as much as I like, my bathroom isn't as tidy as I like it to be, my kitchen counters have clutter (one of my biggest pet peaves), it's hard to keep my laundry under control and there are always dirty dishes that need be taken care of. Jeff says I'm OCD when it comes to how clean the house is... yes... I admit it. I have an issue... so naturally when things aren't exactly right, it causes me stress which I'm really trying to work through. I can't do it all, and that's okay. I just need to accept it and move on.

Anyhow, that's about it for an update. My kids are adjusting slowly, but very well surprisingly. They definitely have their moments, and I feel like a terrible mom more often than I used to. It seems like I have less time to play with them and enjoy them which is very hard on me. I feel like most of the time I'm disciplining, scolding, and refereeing because they fight like cats and dogs lately. And some nights, I'm counting the minutes til bed time. It didn't used to be like that. Makes me sad, but I know it will pass as time goes on and we get into a better rhythm with things. It's funny, I should have expected this. I've had two kids before Macie, and it felt the same way. (Except for when Joey was born... I just had first time mom adjustment issues when he was born).

I hate to sound like a whiner, or a complainer. That is not my intention in the least. I am so incredibly thankful for my three beautiful blessings I call my children. I am thankful for my husband... I'm truly thankful for everything I have. I know that I am blessed immensely. I'm truly just being honest... giving the raw truth about the transition to being a mommy of three. I absolutely love my kids, but it is a tough job being a mommy to three small kids. I'm not a super hero. I'm the average mom, and I'm being honest when I say it's hard and I've had a tough time. I'm grateful, but I'm so worn out. Please pray for me to find some rest and that my body can get back in order like it needs to be. Thank you friends for following me! God bless you all!

4 weeks!!

Time is just flying by. Seriously, at the end of every day I'm just shocked at how fast my day went. I'm also shocked when I sit and look at how I managed my day.

Some days I feel like I had no time with my big kids... I haven't been able to play with them as much or even get sufficient amounts of cuddles in. It's tough on me and I know it's tough on them too. Hopefully we'll find a little more balance with that in the coming weeks...

The toughest part about it all, is that miss Macie Lee does NOT like to be set down ever. Period. Rightfully so, I mean, I carried her constantly for the first 37 weeks of her life... that's all she's known. It's a scary world when you can't see much, you can't move very well, and you have limited ways to communicate. But honestly, because she's so very attached and loves me soooo so much, it's hard to maintain normalcy when I only have one hand to do everything with. Admittedly, she does have to cry for a few minutes on occasion before I can settle in and focus solely on her and her newborn needs. People get pretty judgey about that. Go ahead. I've decided to make a conscious effort not to care about what everyone else thinks of my methods of parenting. Transitioning to three kids is hard work. (Every transition is a challenge, but it's a different set of challenges every time). It's a lot to handle, my plate is full, and I'm learning to divide myself among THREE babies now. Not just two... THREE. AND my husband requires my attention as well!! Sometimes, I have to make sure my big kids are occupied first before Macie can get my full attention without me trying to scold and mediate between my older babies because things have turned into a mad house. It's just tough. I love love love that the Lord has blessed me with these three precious children, and I wouldn't change a thing. But I'm here to tell all of you, it is tough.

So there you go. Mommies, soon to be mommies, mommies adding to their pack of kiddlets, friends trying to become a mommy: IT'S TOUGH... So don't beat yourself up. Have a good meltdown. Cry a lot. It really helps. You will feel like a crappy mom at times. It happens. We all go through it. If you say you've never felt like that before, you're lying to yourself. I have had so many women who've told me they're having a hard time and feel like a failure. It's okay to feel that way, but know that you're not a failure. I struggle daily... asking myself if I'm doing enough, if I've shown enough love to everyone, if I've been maintaining my home enough, if I've cooked enough... At the end of the day, I am enough. I might not feel like it all the time, but my kids still love me despite my screw ups, melt downs, freak outs, fits, crying, etc. I'm enough, and you are too. God designed us the way He did for a reason, and I'm really trying to learn to appreciate the way He designed us to be as mother's. We all love our kids, and we all want to do what's best for them. So here's to doing our very best, here's to messing up sometimes, here's to feeling lost. Here's to all the mom's out there who parent differently than I do. Let's build each other up, friends.

Anyway... end rant... at this point post-partum, everything is slowly getting back to normal. I won't tell you all where I'm at with the weight loss part of it. Let's just say that breast feeding has served me well this time. :) I am definitely feeling like my body is getting back to normal. My body still feels fatigued for sure, but I've healed very quickly this time. Still healing, I'm sure, but it seems like it's gone way quicker, and I do think it's because of my awesomely easy delivery.

Anyhow, like I said, breast feeding has gone VERY well this time. I've exclusively breast fed Macie for four weeks now. That might not seem like a huge accomplishment to some, but for me that's HUGE. My other two were both on formula by this point, or in Annie's case, supplementing because my supply was low and wouldn't recover. That was due to a variety of reason, some my fault. Having done a lot more research on successful breast feeding and implementing some changes in my habits, we've been very successful thus far. She did have one bottle... I gave her 3 oz of pumped colostrum the other day because she had a cold and I wanted her to get all the nutrients and antibodies from it. She took the bottle very well once she realized she got something from the nasty plastic nipple. It hasn't affected my supply whatsoever, and I'm getting quite the surplus of frozen milk in the freezer this time! Yay!! So... yeah. It's going well, she seems to be gaining weight. Not as quickly as the other two, but she was so much smaller than my other babies and she isn't getting formula baby chubs like they did.

But yeah... there you have it. How we're doing after the first 4 weeks with three babies. Doing as well as expected! Thanks for reading my friends, thank you for caring, and thank you for all of your prayers for us as we're transitioning, and thank you to those who've been so helpful to us. AND thank you to all of our lovely friends and family for the awesome gifts you've given little Macie. We are so blessed to have such generous friends and family. God bless you all!!